I spent my night going through my closest looking for something to wear to my dad's funeral. For the longest time I only bought black dress clothes. Black goes with everything. Then it was brought to my attention I need more than black in my closest. As I've lost weight I've bought new clothes. And I'll be damned if all my black dress clothes didn't fit. I stood there pulling things off the hangers cursing, because I never thought I'd have to worry about owning funeral clothes. I knew my dad was getting up there in age, but goddamn it he was going live to be 102 years old. Still kicking ass and taking names! Then I started to laugh, cause what did I have left to wear colored dress shirt and a plum colored dress. I won't lie at that point I snapped and pulled everything down in the closest. I sat down on my bed trying to calm down. It was just a funeral right no one is going to be judging me on how I look. They will be to busy crying with me... Right? I felt like I was a little girl again trying to find something to wear to church that my Great G'ma Lou would be okay with and not have a cow about. Though I don't think anyone in the family can beat my cousin Danielle's California Raisin boxers stunt. Wearing those to church. That was priceless.
As I sat on the bed I started thinking about my dad. He didn't give a rat's ass about how he dressed. After he left the military he stopped wearing t-shirts. He always wore button up shirts and camo fatigue pants for the longest time. I'd buy him jeans and shorts, but he wasn't having it. Till I was in my 20's I finally got him to wear shorts and some jeans. I heard him saying "Who the hell cares what I look like as long as its clean and my ass is covered who gives a shit. This isn't a fashion show!" As that point I started laughing as my youngest daughter came into the room. She looked at me like I was a crazy person. She asked if I was okay, seeing the mess on the floor. I told her I was just fine. I was having problem picking out an outfit. She sat down next to me and took my hand in hers. Squeezing it she smiled and said. "Don't worry Mom I know what you need." I asked what that was? She hugged me and I said thank you. She goes. "No not that I know what shirt you can wear. I googled dress stuff for a funeral for ladies." I was totally shocked. My youngest is 12 years old. I still look at her like she's 5!
"You didn't have to do that." "I know." She replied getting up from the bed. "Since Dad has been to a lot of them and Nana got him a jacket and stuff for it I've been wondering what ladies wear." She left the room and came back with my black sweater that has a white shirt with marble pattern on it. "Here you go Mom. It's dark, but not to dark. I found leggings also I put them in on top of the washer. I hope I helped."
Now let me tell you I was stunned. I thanked her and gave her a big hug. I really think if she hadn't helped me I'd probably of lost my shit totally. It was surreal as I started packing for the trip home I couldn't believe I was finally going home. People keep asking me if I'm excited to go home to see my family. And honestly I'm terrified. I won't be there that long and I'm worried I won't get to see everyone I want to and someone will be upset with me. After this I'm going back to buying black clothes.
A place to keep up with Misty Clark's adventures in writing, with a little randomness along the way.
Sunday, January 13, 2019
Thursday, January 10, 2019
My dad (3am Ramblings)
This year is off to a weird start. The last few months of 2018 I had been thinking a lot of about my dad, and the fact our relationship hasn't really been there. After all the family members my girls father has lost and the few of my own I've lost it made me start thinking about how that my parents won't be around forever. And when we were are younger we think our parents are bulletproof. And my dad was no different.
I found out he's in the hospital. And it took me a moment to process what my cousin Jessica was telling. My dad in the hospital? The same man how taught me how to use duct tape for a bandaid and told me the best medicine is a shot of vodka or wild turkey will cure anything you got. And its mind over matter. You're only sick if you think you are! She told me he'd fell. Again I'm thinking he fell like some old person?! Not my dad!! I did the math and he's in his 70's now. How the hell did that happen?
Talking to my girls about him earlier today they asked me what are somethings I've learned from him. That is really good question. I've learned some good things and some bad things. My dad is old school as it comes. He didn't believe in hunting, but he loves to fish. He'd take me fishing in the spring and summer when I was younger. He taught me how to use a gun and a knife. He always felt it was important to able to do things for myself. He never treated me like I was handicap or disabled. That is something that holds fast in my mind. He taught me that if I don't know something I need to be smart enough to learn how to find out the information. Book smart is just as important as street smart. He taught me the value of money and the importance of keeping your bills pay.
All good things that have served me well and I've been trying to pass all the little things on to my girls. Though it hasn't always been great life lessons. I know him being old school he didn't parent like someone would now a days. He's always been a hardcore drinker. He never let that stop him from working or do anything he really wanted to do, but in the same token when he was drunk it made him a totally different person. And because of that it put a fear in me that if I drank I'd turn into the kind of person he is. Both my parents are mean drunks or can be.
He's never sugar coated things with me. He's very much into telling you like it is. He'd give you the shirt off his back and his last dime if he knew it could help you. Helping others was a value he taught me early on.
When I think of him there are a few things what always come to mind. Him being a truck driver most of my life. Growing up he listen to a lot of different music. From Hank Williams to B.B King. I believe those are his favorites to listen to. I grew up listening to oldies and bluegrass music. Him growing up in the 30's I'm kind of jealous of him. He got to hear all the good music first. He's actually the one who named me. My named me after a Clint Eastwood movie 'Play Misty For Me!' if you have never watched the movie it's about a DJ that had a stalker. Normally I wouldn't think he'd watch that kind of movie, but Clint was in it anything with him or John Wayne in it and my dad was totally into it. When I was a teenager I saved up money one year for Christmas and got him all of John Wayne's movies. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face when he opened his gift that year. He'd just got himself a new VHS and DVD player. He had no idea how to hook it up. He told me it was my job to figure it out when he came to get me. And normally anything techy like that he left up to me to hook up and show me how to use. When he opened his gift the look on his face was priceless. He was shocked and along with the John Wayne movies I got him 'Play Misty For Me', 'Every Which Way but Loose', and 'Dirty Harry.'
I think he was shocked that I paid attention to the things he liked. It's amazing the things we learn or stick around from our parents. He use to have a cassette tape in his van of Believe by Cher. My favorite song on it was Taxi, Taxi. I don't know why that song sticks out to most. Just another weird thing I guess. I hope he gets better soon and that'll call me. I would like to rebuild our relationship if not for myself, than for my girls. I think they could learn a lot from their grandpa.
I found out he's in the hospital. And it took me a moment to process what my cousin Jessica was telling. My dad in the hospital? The same man how taught me how to use duct tape for a bandaid and told me the best medicine is a shot of vodka or wild turkey will cure anything you got. And its mind over matter. You're only sick if you think you are! She told me he'd fell. Again I'm thinking he fell like some old person?! Not my dad!! I did the math and he's in his 70's now. How the hell did that happen?
Talking to my girls about him earlier today they asked me what are somethings I've learned from him. That is really good question. I've learned some good things and some bad things. My dad is old school as it comes. He didn't believe in hunting, but he loves to fish. He'd take me fishing in the spring and summer when I was younger. He taught me how to use a gun and a knife. He always felt it was important to able to do things for myself. He never treated me like I was handicap or disabled. That is something that holds fast in my mind. He taught me that if I don't know something I need to be smart enough to learn how to find out the information. Book smart is just as important as street smart. He taught me the value of money and the importance of keeping your bills pay.
All good things that have served me well and I've been trying to pass all the little things on to my girls. Though it hasn't always been great life lessons. I know him being old school he didn't parent like someone would now a days. He's always been a hardcore drinker. He never let that stop him from working or do anything he really wanted to do, but in the same token when he was drunk it made him a totally different person. And because of that it put a fear in me that if I drank I'd turn into the kind of person he is. Both my parents are mean drunks or can be.
He's never sugar coated things with me. He's very much into telling you like it is. He'd give you the shirt off his back and his last dime if he knew it could help you. Helping others was a value he taught me early on.
When I think of him there are a few things what always come to mind. Him being a truck driver most of my life. Growing up he listen to a lot of different music. From Hank Williams to B.B King. I believe those are his favorites to listen to. I grew up listening to oldies and bluegrass music. Him growing up in the 30's I'm kind of jealous of him. He got to hear all the good music first. He's actually the one who named me. My named me after a Clint Eastwood movie 'Play Misty For Me!' if you have never watched the movie it's about a DJ that had a stalker. Normally I wouldn't think he'd watch that kind of movie, but Clint was in it anything with him or John Wayne in it and my dad was totally into it. When I was a teenager I saved up money one year for Christmas and got him all of John Wayne's movies. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face when he opened his gift that year. He'd just got himself a new VHS and DVD player. He had no idea how to hook it up. He told me it was my job to figure it out when he came to get me. And normally anything techy like that he left up to me to hook up and show me how to use. When he opened his gift the look on his face was priceless. He was shocked and along with the John Wayne movies I got him 'Play Misty For Me', 'Every Which Way but Loose', and 'Dirty Harry.'
I think he was shocked that I paid attention to the things he liked. It's amazing the things we learn or stick around from our parents. He use to have a cassette tape in his van of Believe by Cher. My favorite song on it was Taxi, Taxi. I don't know why that song sticks out to most. Just another weird thing I guess. I hope he gets better soon and that'll call me. I would like to rebuild our relationship if not for myself, than for my girls. I think they could learn a lot from their grandpa.
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