Surreal Moment With My Daughter

I spent my night going through my closest looking for something to wear to my dad's funeral. For the longest time I only bought black dress clothes. Black goes with everything. Then it was brought to my attention I need more than black in my closest. As I've lost weight I've bought new clothes. And I'll be damned if all my black dress clothes didn't fit. I stood there pulling things off the hangers cursing, because I never thought I'd have to worry about owning funeral clothes. I knew my dad was getting up there in age, but goddamn it he was going live to be 102 years old. Still kicking ass and taking names! Then I started to laugh, cause what did I have left to wear colored dress shirt and a plum colored dress. I won't lie at that point I snapped and pulled everything down in the closest. I sat down on my bed trying to calm down. It was just a funeral right no one is going to be judging me on how I look. They will be to busy crying with me... Right? I felt like I was a little girl again trying to find something to wear to church that my Great G'ma Lou would be okay with and not have a cow about. Though I don't think anyone in the family can beat my cousin Danielle's California Raisin boxers stunt. Wearing those to church. That was priceless.

As I sat on the bed I started thinking about my dad. He didn't give a rat's ass about how he dressed. After he left the military he stopped wearing t-shirts. He always wore button up shirts and camo fatigue pants for the longest time. I'd buy him jeans and shorts, but he wasn't having it. Till I was in my 20's I finally got him to wear shorts and some jeans. I heard him saying "Who the hell cares what I look like as long as its clean and my ass is covered who gives a shit. This isn't a fashion show!" As that point I started laughing as my youngest daughter came into the room. She looked at me like I was a crazy person. She asked if I was okay, seeing the mess on the floor. I told her I was just fine. I was having problem picking out an outfit. She sat down next to me and took my hand in hers. Squeezing it she smiled and said. "Don't worry Mom I know what you need." I asked what that was? She hugged me and I said thank you. She goes. "No not that I know what shirt you can wear. I googled dress stuff for a funeral for ladies." I was totally shocked. My youngest is 12 years old. I still look at her like she's 5!

"You didn't have to do that." "I know." She replied getting up from the bed. "Since Dad has been to a lot of them and Nana got him a jacket and stuff for it I've been wondering what ladies wear." She left the room and came back with my black sweater that has a white shirt with marble pattern on it. "Here you go Mom. It's dark, but not to dark. I found leggings also I put them in on top of the washer. I hope I helped."

Now let me tell you I was stunned. I thanked her and gave her a big hug. I really think if she hadn't helped me I'd probably of lost my shit totally. It was surreal as I started packing for the trip home I couldn't believe I was finally going home. People keep asking me if I'm excited to go home to see my family. And honestly I'm terrified. I won't be there that long and I'm worried I won't get to see everyone I want to and someone will be upset with me. After this I'm going back to buying black clothes.