Surreal Moment With My Daughter

I spent my night going through my closest looking for something to wear to my dad's funeral. For the longest time I only bought black dress clothes. Black goes with everything. Then it was brought to my attention I need more than black in my closest. As I've lost weight I've bought new clothes. And I'll be damned if all my black dress clothes didn't fit. I stood there pulling things off the hangers cursing, because I never thought I'd have to worry about owning funeral clothes. I knew my dad was getting up there in age, but goddamn it he was going live to be 102 years old. Still kicking ass and taking names! Then I started to laugh, cause what did I have left to wear colored dress shirt and a plum colored dress. I won't lie at that point I snapped and pulled everything down in the closest. I sat down on my bed trying to calm down. It was just a funeral right no one is going to be judging me on how I look. They will be to busy crying with me... Right? I felt like I was a little girl again trying to find something to wear to church that my Great G'ma Lou would be okay with and not have a cow about. Though I don't think anyone in the family can beat my cousin Danielle's California Raisin boxers stunt. Wearing those to church. That was priceless.

As I sat on the bed I started thinking about my dad. He didn't give a rat's ass about how he dressed. After he left the military he stopped wearing t-shirts. He always wore button up shirts and camo fatigue pants for the longest time. I'd buy him jeans and shorts, but he wasn't having it. Till I was in my 20's I finally got him to wear shorts and some jeans. I heard him saying "Who the hell cares what I look like as long as its clean and my ass is covered who gives a shit. This isn't a fashion show!" As that point I started laughing as my youngest daughter came into the room. She looked at me like I was a crazy person. She asked if I was okay, seeing the mess on the floor. I told her I was just fine. I was having problem picking out an outfit. She sat down next to me and took my hand in hers. Squeezing it she smiled and said. "Don't worry Mom I know what you need." I asked what that was? She hugged me and I said thank you. She goes. "No not that I know what shirt you can wear. I googled dress stuff for a funeral for ladies." I was totally shocked. My youngest is 12 years old. I still look at her like she's 5!

"You didn't have to do that." "I know." She replied getting up from the bed. "Since Dad has been to a lot of them and Nana got him a jacket and stuff for it I've been wondering what ladies wear." She left the room and came back with my black sweater that has a white shirt with marble pattern on it. "Here you go Mom. It's dark, but not to dark. I found leggings also I put them in on top of the washer. I hope I helped."

Now let me tell you I was stunned. I thanked her and gave her a big hug. I really think if she hadn't helped me I'd probably of lost my shit totally. It was surreal as I started packing for the trip home I couldn't believe I was finally going home. People keep asking me if I'm excited to go home to see my family. And honestly I'm terrified. I won't be there that long and I'm worried I won't get to see everyone I want to and someone will be upset with me. After this I'm going back to buying black clothes.

My dad (3am Ramblings)

This year is off to a weird start. The last few months of 2018 I had been thinking a lot of about my dad, and the fact our relationship hasn't really been there. After all the family members my girls father has lost and the few of my own I've lost it made me start thinking about how that my parents won't be around forever. And when we were are younger we think our parents are bulletproof. And my dad was no different.
I found out he's in the hospital. And it took me a moment to process what my cousin Jessica was telling. My dad in the hospital? The same man how taught me how to use duct tape for a bandaid and told me the best medicine is a shot of vodka or wild turkey will cure anything you got. And its mind over matter. You're only sick if you think you are! She told me he'd fell. Again I'm thinking he fell like some old person?! Not my dad!! I did the math and he's in his 70's now. How the hell did that happen?

Talking to my girls about him earlier today they asked me what are somethings I've learned from him. That is really good question. I've learned some good things and some bad things. My dad is old school as it comes. He didn't believe in hunting, but he loves to fish. He'd take me fishing in the spring and summer when I was younger. He taught me how to use a gun and a knife. He always felt it was important to able to do things for myself. He never treated me like I was handicap or disabled. That is something that holds fast in my mind. He taught me that if I don't know something I need to be smart enough to learn how to find out the information. Book smart is just as important as street smart. He taught me the value of money and the importance of keeping your bills pay.
All good things that have served me well and I've been trying to pass all the little things on to my girls. Though it hasn't always been great life lessons. I know him being old school he didn't parent like someone would now a days. He's always been a hardcore drinker. He never let that stop him from working or do anything he really wanted to do, but in the same token when he was drunk it made him a totally different person. And because of that it put a fear in me that if I drank I'd turn into the kind of person he is. Both my parents are mean drunks or can be.
He's never sugar coated things with me. He's very much into telling you like it is. He'd give you the shirt off his back and his last dime if he knew it could help you. Helping others was a value he taught me early on.

When I think of him there are a few things what always come to mind. Him being a truck driver most of my life. Growing up he listen to a lot of different music. From Hank Williams to B.B King. I believe those are his favorites to listen to. I grew up listening to oldies and bluegrass music. Him growing up in the 30's I'm kind of jealous of him. He got to hear all the good music first. He's actually the one who named me. My named me after a Clint Eastwood movie 'Play Misty For Me!' if you have never watched the movie it's about a DJ that had a stalker. Normally I wouldn't think he'd watch that kind of movie, but Clint was in it anything with him or John Wayne in it and my dad was totally into it. When I was a teenager I saved up money one year for Christmas and got him all of John Wayne's movies. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face when he opened his gift that year. He'd just got himself a new VHS and DVD player. He had no idea how to hook it up. He told me it was my job to figure it out when he came to get me. And normally anything techy like that he left up to me to hook up and show me how to use. When he opened his gift the look on his face was priceless. He was shocked and along with the John Wayne movies I got him 'Play Misty For Me', 'Every Which Way but Loose', and 'Dirty Harry.'

I think he was shocked that I paid attention to the things he liked. It's amazing the things we learn or stick around from our parents. He use to have a cassette tape in his van of Believe by Cher. My favorite song on it was Taxi, Taxi. I don't know why that song sticks out to most. Just another weird thing I guess. I hope he gets better soon and that'll call me. I would like to rebuild our relationship if not for myself, than for my girls. I think they could learn a lot from their grandpa.

Looking to next year!

2018 started out a little rough for me, but it seems to be ending good for me! 2019 is shaping up to be a jam packed year for me. As a mother I'll be busy being a Theatre & Speech and Debate Mom. My oldest is daughter does both and I couldn't be happier or more proud of her. Every time she takes the stage I'm wow'ed by her.
And with her in Speech and Debate it gives her the ability to work on the skill I know she got from me arguing. *laughs* The topics she picks are always things she's passionate about. It also gives she chance to travel. My youngest hasn't reach that stage yet, but I can't wait to see what she decided what she wants to do.
The other things I'll be doing is all centered around my writing career. I'm so proud of myself for putting out my first solo book. I'm working on my next one as we speak. I've been approached to write with someone new. I'm always open to write with others. I love doing the Live Write that HHP puts on. It keeps my mind sharp having to do it on the fly and working with another write is pretty cool. Making new friends and seeing that we can turn out together.
My goals next year are trying to get out three books of my own.
  Having Crimson Apocalypse out in paperback is awesome, but I got so much more in my head that needs out. 

Accomplishments

So, today I got Crimson Apocalypse up for preorder. I never really thought that would happen. My first solo book is officially done and will be available February 9, 2019! I'm really excited about it. I also worry no one will buy it or if they do they will be disappointed in it. I know I've released six other books, but those weren't all me. Standing on my own two feet is something I've wanted to do for a long time. I've never been good with the unknown. I like to know what I'm doing and being able to be prepared for things. Honestly at this moment I feel like I could puke. LOL Anxiety is a bitch. 

I've started my next book already '246!' and I'm three chapters in on it. And like everything else I've wrote is taking a turn I hadn't thought it would. Not that's its a bad thing, but I'd like for one outline I write be used. I think my characters like to throw a wrench into the works on perhaps.  It's like they are just waiting to throw me a curve ball. "Look at her go, she really thinks she knows where shit is headed." Then BOOM shit goes off the tracks. I'm sure all authors feel like this too. I have got a few story ideas floating in my head, but one at a time right? 

My goals for next year are having at least three books out on my own. And hopefully release more books in the Creation Inc Series. I know the readers have been waiting a long ass time for book seven. And they want to know what happened to Brock and Kara. And if you haven't read any of the series now is a perfect time to catch up!! Our series has a little of everything romance, comedy, action, and who doesn't love shifters. With a sprinkling of Viking shenanigans in there!!  

Favorite Christmas Memory

My favorite Christmas memory has to be when I was 11 or 12 yrs old. At the time my mother, my baby brother, and myself lived with my Grandma Mona. And that Christmas my Great Grandma Lou had stayed with us over night. It's my favorite Christmas memory for many reasons. One is I got a mountain bike that year and some New Kids On The Block stuff. The other reason was it was my baby brother first Christmas. I had went with my dad shopping for gifts for all of them without any help, and I even wrapped their presents myself.

That morning I had gotten up early not just because I wanted to see what I got, but I wanted to put my gifts out without anyone knowing. When I game out into the living room my Great Grandma was already awake. She asked me if I coming out to peek at my presents. I showed her my trash bag full of gifts for everyone and the look on her face was priceless.

"Does your mom know about all these?" She asked. Proudly I told her that I had bought and wrapped them all myself. I hidden them in my closest under some blankets and clothes. My mom and Grandma Mona bother yelled at me for not cleaning my closet before Grandma Lou got there.

"If Grandma Lou sees that Misty Hope I am not responsible for any ass chewing you get!" my mother had said to me. I was willing you take a grounding or ass eating. I had no other place to hide the gifts.

Grandma Lou helped me put the gifts under the tree in the back so they would be even more shocked. I sat on the couch with her while she finished the last of her presents up. She had me put the bows on all the gifts from her. When everyone woke up and came out my mom commented that it looked like there was more presents under the tree than she remembered. I looked at Grandma Lou and we smiled at each other.

It was one of the last Christmas's I got to spent with her were I got to have some a lone time with her. Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays, because I like giving others gifts. And because it was when I got to spent more time with Grandma Lou. Baking and doing other things. I loved going to help her make cookies and others things. All my baking skills I learned from her.

What is your favorite Christmas memory or gift you ever got? Comment below!

Thanksgiving!

 What is your idea of the perfect Thanksgiving? If you didn't have to cook it that is. What would you want to see on the table? What family things would you do? I like hearing about others family traditions and what kind of things they eat or make on Thanksgiving. I haven't been home for the holidays in a long time. When this time of year rolls around I always think of my great grandma's oyster stuffing. That my Aunt Jackie now makes or use to make. It was one of my favorite things I look forward to.
  I sometimes think about making it myself, but I don't think anyone but me would eat it. I don't know if my kids would enjoy it. Being here in Wyoming they don't get the chance to taste real seafood. Oysters might freak them out. Tuna is about all I can get them to try. My oldest has tried sushi, but that didn't go well. That is a story for another time. Anyways comment below everything you love and hate about Thanksgiving!! I'm interested to know!!

How many irons in the fire is to many?

     When I decided to start writing I had no idea how much other work that is non-writing is involved in writing publishing a book. I have a To Do List that seems a mile long. Some of it is writing/editing, while the rest of it is other work. Like this blog, and getting a budget set aside for upcoming book signing. That also had a list of things with it. I have lists of lists. 😖

    I wonder if I have to many irons in the fire. On top of all that I have book ideas or characters that are coming up left and right demanding to be wrote. Writing my own book 'Crimson Apocalypse', and editing book #7 in The Creation Inc Series 'Redemption' I guess isn't enough work for me. I love the fact I have so many ideas for future projects, but that's just it they are FUTURE projects. Not meant for today. I guess it could be worse I could have writers block! I also wonder if I'm the only author out there who feel likes it. Hell not even as a author as a person. Just so much to do and no time to do it in. Or everything feel like chaos!?  Comment below if you've been there!